Becoming Myself

"Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much  greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake's line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love."

Courtesy: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-To-Find-Out-Who-You-Really-Are-by-Anne-Lamott 

Yeah, almost there. Done and been through all of that. Somehow feels like I've already mentioned the same statement a few years ago to a close friend. Guess its double life-crises for me already! Stagnation within success, ambiguity within pursuit, ah, its almost time to become a poet.

Such is life dearies. Such is life.

On the Learning Curve: Philosophy

Secret. The Law of Attraction. Subconscious Mind. Atonement.

Being showered with hordes of teachers since past 2 years. Ask and ye shalt receive. Life questions and philosophy, The New Thought, all being bombarded at me from different sources. Truly enriching. Call it too much free time or too much non sense, I never seem to get enough of what I read. I read more, hear more (podcasts), see more (webcasts). Each author/teacher leads to more teachers, and the journey continues.

Rhonda Byrne, Esther Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Richard Bach, Neale Donald Walsch, Jack Canfield, Jane Roberts, Randy Pausch, Charles Haanel, Bob Proctor, Wallace Wattles, Napolean Hill..... I can go on. And wow, to see so many names I've read on one topic, it amazes even me as I write this.What's amazing is how much these teachings intersperse in what we read of hear in mainstream media. In works of the likes of Oprah Winfrey, John Lennon, Dan Brown, J.K.Rowling, Ayn Rand and too many more. Din't really know I could read so much on a segment of Non-fiction that isn't even a story. A study. Learning in this 'field' truly interests, intrigues and grips me. Life comes a full circle (at age 24) when I'm consumed in this pursuit. 

As I imbibe it all in my way of life and living, hope I contribute my bit to the spread and awareness of the same as I move along. That, and a world steeped in peace and prosperity, is a dream most cherished and nurtured. Amen!

I Am Me. And that's OK

(Beware: Ooh so personal rambling follows)

Inspite of being the class topper and the friendly-and-smart-one through school and beyond, I've always felt a lack. A mental image of myself on the lines of peer pressure (yeah, weird to be using that term at 24 when it's more associated with teens :P). A weird sense of self and 'others'. My ego always has had a high head but internally, I am shy. Externally, I'm conditonally (situation and people) an extrovert or an introvert.

In simpler terms: I've always longed for Acceptance. External Validation.

Amongst a group of strangers thrown in together (like my corporate training sessions), I'm the charm of the group. Heck, who knows me here? Easy to be the best! But with people I've known a while and those who've known (and judged) me a while, I'm wary. I'd either do anything they like doing too or try to force them into doing things my way. I can only be faintly stubborn and not authoritative, so I either mostly end up being submissive, or annoyed like a kid without choc. I'm mostly alone inside, however loud outside I may be. But for those that tread within closer borders, I'm the most clingy-cum-dictating soul ever!

Past specifics kept aside, and acknowledging all the spiritual learning and likewise I've been doing over the years, I'm finally at a point of: 'It's OK.' I have a bunch of awesome friends and I have a lotta fun too. And I needn't be anything like anybody else, I'm ME! I am "[a] Zombie.Dusky.Production Engineer.Metal Misc Head.Novel Silverfish.PC Junkie.TV Couchie." (Courtesy: Mon Twitter)

It's OK if I'm sitting home and not zeroing in on a job yet.
It's OK if I still haven't finished my US application for Masters.
It's OK if I din't celebrate the New Year partying in Goa.
It's OK if I missed Maiden and Opeth.
It's OK if I haven't been on any major trek yet.
It's OK at every thing I haven't done yet or won't likely be doing anytime soon.

Life's still exciting and I have so much more still to do!! So flushing all self doubt - something only close ones knew I had so I don't know why I'm quite announcing it out loud anyway but whatever (It's OK!:P) -  down the drain,  here' embracing the New Year 2012 with full vigour and joy! It's gonna be an awesome year ahead!! XOXO