My Idol: Ma'am Radha

Visited school today to get my marksheet photocopies attested. Part of MS formalities. Waiting outside the Headmistress' cabin, I suddenly noticed through the glass panes that she was busy meeting with some of her staff inside. Peering further I saw that the one speaking was my beloved teacher of Std.X, Mrs. Radha Balakrishnan!! The brightest and best teacher I've had yet!! I'd thought she'd already left school! Me being from the Class of 2003, most of my teachers had by now left school. I felt tremendous joy to see her there then! On the threshold of going to the next level of my education (a master's degree), what better blessing than to chance upon the one teacher who embodied the joy and enthusiasm of Science and Math, the spirit of education and the integrity of the Classroom?

Her energy during course delivery and her acute memory at remembering all our names - this for instant access to bombard us with rapid fire questions and keep us standing till we manage to answer atleast one right - was invigorating. She'd jumble names at times but no matter; the name she calls you with is yours till she wills so. We were at the edge of our seats throughout her lecture, alert and attentive, grasping every word, every formula she'd spell. She had her unique - and fast - way of drilling facts right into our very conscience! What was already a brilliant 12 years of schooling at my Alma Mater, was topped with Ma'am Radha being my class teacher in final year. After passing out of school, I had the good fortune of meeting her not more than 2-3 times.

Eight years later today, waiting outside that cabin, I was joyfully rehearsing a quick intro of myself- for she might've surely forgotten me by now? Bidding the Headmistress adieu cheerfully, she turned to exit the cabin. And seeing me, stopped right at the exit with joyous shock and exclaimed,

"Sameeha!!!!"

I was visually taken aback on hearing that and gasped back, "You remember my name!!"

"Sameeha Jahangir!!!!!" she piped still.

It was like being called out to receive an award! That was all I could take in marvelling at her super crisp memory and love. There was no depth left for the respect and gratitude I felt for her. She quickly caught up and had herself updated on my adventures post school. My plan of MS in Aerospace Engg delighted her endless! "NASA! There's NASA there! You must get in! The best place to be!!"  Saying this she turned to her newer fellow teacher and beamed,

"Brilliant student of my class. She."

Award delivered. With profuse wishes and blessings, she anointed me to face my future with determined pursuit.

There are many reasons to why I am who I am, and why I'm going where I'm going, but success I find, only in and due to, the ideals of idols like my beloved school teacher, Ma'am Radha.

A Night to be blogged about

Using 'kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab' at all the wrong times, this is another post I couldn't wait till morning (afternoon in my case, I see no morning) to post. I'm down with a fever and them heavy med doses usually put me off like a baby, but have been amazingly awake all night, two nights straight.

Had one of those 'hyperactive mind runs a trillion movies' nights tonight. Widest range of topics that covered my brain in one night so far though! From Metallica's cancelled Delhi concert to Anil Kapoor striking gold with MI4, from how much time I should give to singular friends (thus preventing eventual rub off of singular views on me without me realising it, variety keeps me stable,i guess) to the Theory of Relativity.

If I could even just list all that ran through, this post would be my (or any blogger's) longest. And if I could elaborate on each topic, I'd never run out of posts for this blog! #thought to be noted. Instant counter thought, no kidding, how # has infact replaced double asterisks or ** for tagging.:P

And it so happens that hyperactive's insomniac dad was awake too, so post-retirement dad and post-resignation daughter (basically, jobless :D) bonded over 5am coffee cuppas, and singular brain movies got
exchanged vent! We had some groundbreaking discussions that never happened during light of day. Amazing experience.

Ooh and the enemy of the scene - Mom, wakes up to shoo us to bed! Off now, Mom's going to empty the rest of her fury when dad-daughter sleep soundly into important morning hours (though Dad still manages to wake up early somehow and teams up with Mom against me in waking me up in a most pestering manner with 'what will we do with a daughter like you' implications) while she's left alone in handling the house chores and visitors. Tsk, amazed how lil sis sleeps peacefully through all this action.

Good night-morning!

Love is..when not

She has the most wonderful man in her life,
yet she doesn't.
She is the luckiest woman in the world,
still she's not:

"How do I erase love,
when there can't be hate?
How do I replace space,
where the memory remains?

How do I be your friend,
when I love you more?
How do I feel no more,
when I've felt so deep?

How do I laugh out loud,
when I weep inside?
How do I cry out loud,
when your shoulder's gone?

How do I let you go,
when I'm bound so fast?
How do I hold you nigh,
when you cast a void?

When do the tears run dry,
for the one I cry?
When do I weep no more,
for the days go by?

How do I let this go,
when it's already gone?
How do I swallow and smile,
when its real no more?

There is one true love,
the one that's always mine.
But friends we will be,
so love can always shine, so it can always shine.."

And so the love remains,
a ceaseless flow.
Love it is..always, when not.

Procrastination and the time bug

Ok GRE is done. 1320-1490/ 1600 is the score. Was a lil disappointed at first coz I was expecting (ooh the superealist!) much more. (1600 actually. thats the 'super' before the realist :P) Doesn't hurt to be over ambitious now and then. Atleast scored something thats still an assurance of my healthy brain. :)

After GRE, joined Edwise International for my counseling process. Started off with University Shortlisting and the result was kinda weird. Hadn't heard of half the universities on that list before. That's 4 out of 8. So got down to (finally) do my own research. With motivational and angry urging help from friends :P. So sat up and browsed 6 univs of which I loved one and liked 3. Total number univs in USA (thank heavens I'm atleast fixated on just one country!!) offering MS in Aerospace Engineering: 55!!

Plus the documentation work. Argh! I feel bored even thinking about it. And my muscles suddenly become inactive and my laptop only plays F.R.I.E.N.D.S when I fire it up to do any doc work. sigh! Time flies and I haven't even started off much. Then there is the TOEFL on Sept 28.

I've always felt bored of action. Unless its something like going on a trek or meeting friends :D But otherwise, I'm the heavist body to pull up to do work. The weight of it all is so overwhelming!

Enough procrastination though. Some action required. To do lists to be made. And work to be done. Rut-tut!

Down with procrastination. Hai hai!

Joy and Sleeplessness!

So this is the 2nd time in a row that I'm blogging at an odd hour. My sleep time table is messed up thanks to the Ramzan timetable. Waking up at odd hours for sehri (early snack and commencement of fast, around 4.45am, so you wake up before that), the actual fasting and joblessness aids sleeping during the day as you wish.

I slept most of yester'day', so was up late solving some math for the impending GRE. 1.30am and I felt 'sleepy', closed books and did a bit of light reading for GRE, no can do, the sleepy feeling overruled. So closed 'em all, put off the lights and tucked in. Instant sleep won't come, alas. So a little munching for the mind while I try to 'switch off' (I cannot not think till I fall involuntarily unconscious), random thoughts here and there, till focus turned to GRE. I tried to visualise what it would feel like to score a 1600 (out of 1600. 1300+ is supposed to be a good score) on the test, and voila! The joy that hit woke me right up!! :P

The last times I've felt such (real) academic joy were:
-7th grade, my 1st 100 in math
-10th grade, SSC, my 89.73% aggr.
-1st sem in engineering, 60% aggr. This one I was so thrilled I feared I'd die before I could fully celebrate! Kept praying I reach home safe! :P (what, for the 1st time in my life all I wanted was to just clear the exam, 1st class score was a Santa Claus bonus!)
-1st job aptitude test and interview, positive. Oh the seal of a perfect record!

Such joys are elements in the geeky scheme of things. Unparalleled and sublime. :P My next stepping stone is a Masters degree, and the immediate diagnosis, the GRE. Will the trailer joy that's keeping me awake tonite/morn culminate into reality? Time shalt tell! *all fingers, limbs crossed* :)

All I Am

Should I tell you that I love you still,
Or do I bury it and pretend I have had my fill..
Should I plead to have you come back to me,
Or do I act strong enough and pray let you be..
Should I tell you tears replace your void,
Or do I behind my happy face simply leave it to hide..
Should I pray to have you back in my life,
Or do I stand back and wish you'd never see this strife..
Should I call to have you hear me speak,
Or do i write it all out and hidden with me keep..
Should I wait till love finds me again,
For I can look nor move beyond your island..
Will I ever be the same again,
Oh when you are all I am, when you are all I am?

Exam History

(Okay, my internet connection has been low since 2 days straight so I shalt post from my phone today, hope it comes up fine!)

Well, my GRE is real close now, 2 weeks to go. And I'm killing time again! The closer an exam gets the more I waste time, a habit since school. This is a very weird kind of anxiety. And its killing!

I was always this last minute prep sort. It usually worked for me. Last minute pressure is when I'd actually study and study wisely (that is omitting a great chunk of material and praying it doesn't show up in the exam). And I had a good going, managed to top most of the time during high school. Topping wasn't my goal, it just happened,and I wasn't complaining :P ,though Mom always thought it was unfair to the kids who slogged 'sooo much'! She'd always wonder if I cheated during exams! (for the record, I din't)

But anyway, it only lasted till high school. Once into college, that charm steadily started wearing off and I scored pathetic in my medical entrance. My grades were above average alright but it was only coz my college and coaching class had these geniuses around me so with that environment around, I fared well, but not well enough.

After the bummer med entrance, I turned to engineering. Good start in sem 1 (by sloggin this time), and then over-confidence and steady decline. And then job placement was near, and I wasn't anywhere upto mark to get in, so I slogged again for aptitude test and got in! And then the graph started rising up again and all was well.

2 years of oh-so-busy-with-job and no-touch-with-books later, I'm again pitched against this GRE prep. Must say I haven't quite used the prep months too well so far and now it's the 'narrow tunnel' time! I'm getting the med entrance jitters again, and pray I somehow overcome the exam-lag-curse and and power up and score (and soar) high! And fast.

Will the curse end?

Old Divide, still deep

We, my family, had been residing in dad's office quarters since the time I was born. All was convenient - nice neighbourhood, good convent schools, docs, infrastructure...everything external that makes an abode location perfect. Internal too. Beautiful Chembur. But it was always known, ofcourse, that it was temporary.

Dad started his house hunt pretty early. Himself having been new to Mumbai at the time, he managed to buy a flat in Pune when i was in kindergarten. Pune, then, was the next big thing. Mumbai, too expensive. Navi Mumbai, huh?

Soon enough, though, Mumbai grew on him, in him, and in us. So a few years after using the Pune flat as a vacation home, he started his hunt closer to Mumbai. Started with Ambernath (for some reason still unknown to me), and after a lotta flat trots and final selection, the broker beaming with pride, was taking us to the builder in an elevator. Still joyous about his commission-to-come, he beamed, "This place is just perfect (it was, really), all amenities, good society and best of all..(dropping his voice a tone lower and leaning closer to dad)..we don't sell any flats in this society to muslims!!" Oh the pride in his eyes for his beloved society's perfect rule! We were aghast! Politely refused the flat offer and left, without comment. He never ever did come to know we were muslims.

Many years, many hunts (mostly Navi Mumbai, yes it was in), and many such 'prefect rules' later, it was time for dad's retirement, 2 months back. There were multiple instances, where the broker/dealer either 'happily' (always happy and proud) claimed they don't sell to muslims "even if they pay us 3 crore for a 30 lakh flat!" or the builders/owners almost stopped short of sealing the deal when they heard dad's name. We don't look muslim, that is all the deception on our part. Post retirement, we're now living in Navi Mumbai on rent. Found and booked a flat just a month ago, its a majorly muslim area. Some owners here sell exclusively only to muslims, stating they are victims of previous refusals themselves.

I strongly oppose the reverse stance of 'selling only to muslims coz I was treated so', no 'treatment' justifies religious divide among citizens of the same country. Taking the guilty to court is also a bit far fetched what with builders these days being equipped with the underground, for all we know. But mostly, when one is hurt thus, by a fellow citizen who you take to be your kin, you are too moved inside to be able to stand up and fight. Too hurt. Too shocked. Too sad. Anger doesn't have a place, revenge is not an option, yearning to be understood, foremost.

Mom, hurt, would point out, "But we do have a flat in Pune, which is now really well developed as envisioned, so why don't we move there?? Why fight and hunt and get hurt here so much where they don't want us??!"

Why really? Because even if some part of the land won't own up to us, we've loved, and hence cannot leave.

Frequency Modulation

Ever fallen prey to wrong interpretations owing to bad network? I just had mine recently when I assumed my best friend's new kitty underwent ear surgery to remove a cyst, over a phone call in bad frequency range. And today when I called her up to ask how the kitty was doing and after being assured the kitty's fine, the friend says she's (my friend's) on pain killers. That's when I realized all the cat got was a rabies shot and the surgery was, in fact, done on my friend!

Funny thing, this frequency. And I don't mean just the mobile network, I mean the real frequencies that we as humans emit and receive. If Noetic Sciences (intro courtesy: Dan Brown's 'The Lost Symbol'), Quantum Physics and 'Brainwave Technology' are to be believed, we are all constantly emitting different frequencies, good and bad. We are, after all, just energy fields. Source energies. And by the 'Law of Attraction', attracting like frequencies like tv towers (info courtesy: Rhonda Byrne's The Secret). The philosophy of the end of the world in 2012 also boils down to a 'frequency shift' in scientific terms. Why 2012? Zodiac. Off topic.

So simply put, you happy, you feel happy, you emit happy vibes, and voila! Happiness returns doubly! Its a simple and most beautiful philosophy. My friends and I have used this theory and it works, and its the most amazing law ever! The Law of Attraction! Enough jargon here, you could look up the material and fields I've mentioned above.

As for the kitty-friend misinterpretation story, you might wanna put yourself in the right frequency in life, or the end result could be you in the wrong surgical table/circumstance in life. Feel Good. Stay Happy! :)

Navi Mumbai travel quirks [Chapter 2]

Been a good day! After yesterday's Nerul exploration, today it was Belapur! :P Jumping buses to 'understand the roads and routes' against public (others at the bus stops) opinion of 'why don't you catch a train, its easier you know..', I spent a lotta time waiting for the buses, admiring (spoilt for choice :P) Cidco Bhavan and Konkan Bhavan and a bit of Reserve Bank of India in the backdrop, and ofcourse the magnificent railway station in its entirety. Belapur is bella!

Though I reached school (the kid sis') late -'NMMT 21' does a full 'Belapur Gaav' darshan before getting to anywhere useful - the sis was somehow satiated by veg rolls and mazaa mangoes. Phew! The return trip was all of the above repeated. The 'wonderful' exploration was topped with a 7 floor climb up the steps to home, the electricity supply in here knew I needed it just then.

All said and done, for now we'd be sticking to the trains, for sis. For me though, I have so many buses and routes still to explore... :)

Navi Mumbai travel quirks [Chapter 1]

I was supposed to check out bus routes today to find an easier option to pick and drop my kid sis to and fro school. We currently do a long shot with walking, share rickshaws, trains, more ricks, more walks, etc. No, the school bus doesn't come this far. Kalamboli home and Seawoods school. (why we chose a school so far from home, is a chapter in itself!)

So well, I happened to forget the l'il bus adventure I was supposed to do before picking sis up from school today noon, so decided I might as well do it with her, after school. Took the right bus wrong way, as per expert guidance given by my friend which I thoughtlessly accepted. Can't blame his wrong with the threatening 'navi mumbai guidance' demanding calls and texts I make to him :P His presence here (Sanpada, Navi Mumbai) since over some 6+ years has made it mandatory in my eyes for him to know every nook and corner of Navi Mumbai (henceforth ref to as NM) and guide me so. He must by now regret inviting me to NM so cheerfully :P :P

So anyway, his route totally misfired. Useless depots, clueless people, some bus stops trotting, some anger texts to the above friend, then one good samaritan with excellent direction-guiding capabilities and more Nerul exploration later, we finally made it to the bus stop we were supposed to be in. Few buses later the sight of '503Ltd. Kalamboli' was bliss.

But it was worth the rounds. NM is really well connected both by road and rail. The sheer number of BEST and NMMT and ST buses that ply here are awesome!! And how much ever I have commuted around here so far, I haven't come across any road blocks and traffic jams yet, *touch wood*. And there always seem to be too many people getting on and off my stops. And I thought only Mumbai was crowded and friendly :P

So that's one up for NM in all these days that I've been cribbing about places all being too far to connect. Cheers to that! :)

Vocabulary and the GRE

Holler! Yesterday I finally managed to finish Norman Lewis' Word Power Made Easy!! Yay! A quick perusal through the word list and a final glance at chapter reviews should have the words imbibed in me forever. What a book! As the author challenged, I actually did find those words in common usage! In movies, books, newspapers! And I thought I already knew all the words I needed to know! (boy am I happy/shocked with all these exclamation full stops! :P )

So I'm another step closer to cracking the GRE. Yeah well I have more faith in Norman Lewis than them usual Barrons and Kaplan! Today's target is Nova's Math prep. Looking forward to an enjoyable math ride!

Happy Sunday!! 

Nu Day!

Ok after such a long hiatus, 2 posts in a day is too much, but ah, make hay while the sun shines.
       
So a new day, I've shifted to Kalamboli btw. That's somewhere between Kharghar and Panvel in Navi Mumbai. Was previously staying at Chembur, Mumbai. Din't have to drop kid sis off to school early morn today, so overslept (yay!). After a quick stint in the kitchen for some cooking, and a bit of twitter replies, I'm on the PC to blog!

Part reason is I have so many physical and electronic diaries already, that my thoughts are all stored in different places like separate horcruxes, if I may, with zero connectivity. I write on the first available piece of parchment (of various forms like i said) I get. So I've decided, truth be told, I'l stick to this blogger site for my diary entries from now. Every other form I may lose, but this site will hopefully stay up forever!

So today's goal is to do some verbal for my GRE, I'm liking the vocabulary building, except that all these years I did it for the love of it and now I'm doing it for the necessity (psst..but 'necessity' is my red alert 'against' efficient working). And I'l touch upon some 'Issue' and 'Arguement' essays.

Boring itinerary but running out of time. August 16th is the day of the grand test. Universe shower down wisdom upon me! May I conquer what I've set out to do!

Happy day to you!

So much has changed! Crossroads

Engineering, done.
Job exp., 2 years, check. Resignation, check.
GRE, on.
Break downs, check.
Many birthdays, parties, sleepovers, sleep over (as in 'too much'), all check.
Too many movies, way too many, check.
Too many TV series, check.
End to the silver screen Potter legacy, sigh.
More novels, check.
Shifting residences after 23 years of fixated love to one place.sigh.
New Age ancient philosophy, The Secret, The Power, check.

I am now at the crossroads of life.
My career is at  a standstill as i take time off to ponder over and under-prepare for the GRE.
My friends have been tried and tested and tried again to see who can really handle me and whom I can handle. Some have fallen apart. Closest.
Been sitting home since 4 months and don't see any significant personal growth in the time I've taken off..oh, did i mention we were 'busy' moving homes?

As more ramblings than those I've written above float about in my head while I try to concentrate on the single most important issue of the moment (the GRE ofcourse!), I wonder which way I'm going. It really is difficult to pick up and move on when I have my ego attached to the way every living cell in my body functions, every thought my mind beholds, every situation it foretells or shapes, every memory it churns up and shows.

So it really comes down to a tipping point, doesn't it?
The choice between who I am,my ego,my self... and who I want to become.

Ironically, the latter is what I already was before my present state of self. So...how does one find oneself again?