Bombay, my love!

Came across this website called India Memory Project. Sheer beauty. Phantoms from the past tugging at you, at the beautiful Indian within you. The stories of the lives lived in black and white India, through pictures. Going over the stories therein, I couldn't help but miss my city all over again. Bombay.

My first love, my joy and my soul, Bombay is one of the many facets that define me. Makes me who I am. No matter how busy or frustrated I get about anything, just a reminiscence of that love washes it all away and I'm at peace again. Love like that is meditation. Joy like that is bliss. This post is difficult to even put in words..but oftentimes I forget who I am or how I am or where I'm going and in that, Bombay roots me. Defines me for who I am and why I am and snaps be back to my core. They may change her name. But she'd always be Bombay to me. The city I call home, the city I've fallen head o'er heels for.

Curbing the lunatic in me from aimlessly romanticising on any more, here's, to conclude, a snippet from a friend with the common love, on his upcoming visit planned for January, 2014:

I can just imagine right now... Being on a plane going back home. As the plane drops below the clouds, I can see a big blotch of light. The plane travels on, hurtling at hundreds of miles an hour towards that blotch. Slowly but surely, that mass of light breaks up into individual, slightly smaller yet still fairly large patches of light. A few spaces of darkness between them. The plane continues flying oblivious of my emotions. It goes on and the lights continue to separate. They fill up the entire landscape visible to me below. Now I can see lights and discern their sources. Some come from buildings, most from streetlamps and cars. The city that never sleeps. Truly never ever sleeps. I pass over a building that I know is my home. The plane lands with a slight jolt, as always. I step out of the plane after it halts. And I breathe. My first breath of air in Bombay after more than a year and a half now. It reeks of refuse and waste. Of smoke and pollution. Of sweat and blood. Of a million dreams shattered. Of love at first sight. Of love after years of being together. Of flowers being sold somewhere on the streets by urchins out to make a last few sales to religious drivers hoping to bribe gods in their favour. Of a billion dreams being dreamt. There are a million things wrong about Bombay and there are a billion things right about it. And each of these things are in the air I breathe in. I am home again.

Fitting portrayal of the mesmerizing drug, Bombay; my love you will always remain.

Strength

Dismantling hurt

Killing emotion
Forgetting pain
Numbing direction

Forged in stone
Value Illusion
All surreal
Falsification

Heart trembles
Holding delusion
Misdemeanor
Righteous suppression

Worlds collide
In this redemption
The living thrive
Seeking correction

Faith dies
Wake of destruction
Hope cries
Resurrection

Strength we find
In realization
When all else fails
Inner reflection

Silence is bliss
Ignorance golden
Flight to glory
Character molten

Moulding anew
Heightened sensation
All arise
Reverberation

A new day is here
A new dawn is here
The sun shines through
Everything's clear..

Summer 2013!

Every summer I have plans to do this and that. And this summer ain't even off time, my coursework has dragged onto it, marring the fun (not much) in truest fullness. So there's still coursework while I try to fit in the summer goals. The list is kinda long and is up on my room's wall. My project, a musical instrument, some exercise, a language, some novels, some travel, the works. They've never been up on any wall before and stashed away in diaries and Evernotes so right now it is atleast something I see daily first thing when I wake up. Also this article: http://ankurmans.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/my-90-day-summer-street-workout-challenge/ by a friend Ankur has me hooked onto the habit development plan.

So though I'd be resorting to Ankur's tracking sheet and my own Evernote and Google Calendar, I'd use in some measure of non-spam, this blog. This summer being different what with my post away-from-home-near-traumatic-people-issues (sounds crappier than real, I'm a happy optimistic person still) and larger than life project work, deserves special logging, and there ain't no better place than my blog to do it.

Updates galore this summer, as a log to myself on how good or bad I am in following through with goals I set out to achieve. Summer 2013, here I come!

The Social Week!

What a week! Socializing galore! From outings with individual friends to social gathering with people from 7-8 countries, to send-offs, to treats and more partying, it's been one heady end-of-semester celebration! (And more to come! And my semester is technically not even done yet, haha!) The most number of people I've met within a week and the most fun I've had in a long time. Always great to be with friends!

Some bond over drinks, some over movies, some over games, some over philosophy, some over bitching (:P), there are so many facets to just how much you can connect with someone. It's amazing how so many of these outings weren't even planned; single pings, sudden whims, and off we went! Impromptu fun at its best! Some of them were times when I just woke up with nothing much to do (yeah that seems to be happening a lot lately, ignorance about work I say, bah it's summer!) or was down for seemingly no reason, and bam! Someone would call and drag me out.

I write this post just to say thanks to all the wonderful people I spent the past week with. It's truly a blessing to have so many friends and folk that care, when you're so far away from home. And some moving onto face greater adventures, I wish them the best! Thank you for being a part of my life, your presence makes it colorful. Cheers!

A year hath passed

Blogosphere! Thee must've missed me! (I really need to stop having these opening statements so often in my blog) It has been a year! As with every other post of mine, this one too comes at a time when I really have no time to blog. But since we (you, reader, and me) belong to the stop and stare with time to spare, I shalt go ahead and pour some nonetheless. (..And it just struck me that this is my first post from my MacBook Air! Thank you powers that be! :P)

The United States of America! Oh how do I even begin detailing the roller coaster ride this has been! (Yeah so I'm not going to :P) Not much difference to me from being home, except that Cincinnati is much sleepier and spacious than my Mumbai. I had no jet lag coming in changing 3 planes, I don't miss Indian food; family and friends back home are always in my heart and I still feel one with them. Being back to school after so many years was one change. Hopping from Production Engineering to Aerospace Engineering, a change of a lifetime. The classroom felt the same with aero having a huge batch size here. Clubs the same. People the same. A little ignorance here and an exchange of thought there, but pretty much all the same. There were DC, NYC and Texas trips in between. Ashamed to say I've seen more of USA than India. (*bucket list reformation*)

But in between all this, what I always still fall flat into the trap for are the people, always the people. Being a social junkie that I am, peeling myself off my friends and acquaintances is something I've never learnt to do. Same old overdos, same old expectation, and same old hurt. Being an active part of two big student groups here gets me to connect with more. A huge list of ego trainers I say. I guess you never stop learning there. Never stop believing, running the muck, getting hurt, falling down, and reinventing the cycle of getting back up. Past experiences only help so much as to show you how fucked up you've always been, not in showing you how you got back up the last time, no. Murphy shrouds that wisdom. "You're busy in your life presently of course, you don't have the time for people skills when you're after a different science degree, of course, I hear you, still, go spend time gathering yourself back up. Muhaha!"

And so it is. You give up. Throw up. Scream. Wait for an epiphany to hit you perhaps. Some angels come along, some leave, some stay back for you. A potpourri of advice, a hug, a shoulder squeeze. Again the people that bring you back up. You're never alone; somehow are never allowed to. Not when you're a dynamically invasive personality like myself, I guess. Work and business have somehow not worked for me in being distractions. They'd keep happening, but I really am two people in one when such 'crises' occur. One for work, one for them inundated emotions. One doesn't help with the other.

So my 'stitches' start where the threads went bare. Not with patches of cover up. And the needle work goes on, the fabric expands, reinforced here and there with the holy (my fancy new term for 'shitty') experiences of life. Blind unwavering unapologetic faith in myself. That is what I adorn. Peace.

Becoming Myself

"Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much  greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake's line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love."

Courtesy: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-To-Find-Out-Who-You-Really-Are-by-Anne-Lamott 

Yeah, almost there. Done and been through all of that. Somehow feels like I've already mentioned the same statement a few years ago to a close friend. Guess its double life-crises for me already! Stagnation within success, ambiguity within pursuit, ah, its almost time to become a poet.

Such is life dearies. Such is life.

On the Learning Curve: Philosophy

Secret. The Law of Attraction. Subconscious Mind. Atonement.

Being showered with hordes of teachers since past 2 years. Ask and ye shalt receive. Life questions and philosophy, The New Thought, all being bombarded at me from different sources. Truly enriching. Call it too much free time or too much non sense, I never seem to get enough of what I read. I read more, hear more (podcasts), see more (webcasts). Each author/teacher leads to more teachers, and the journey continues.

Rhonda Byrne, Esther Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Richard Bach, Neale Donald Walsch, Jack Canfield, Jane Roberts, Randy Pausch, Charles Haanel, Bob Proctor, Wallace Wattles, Napolean Hill..... I can go on. And wow, to see so many names I've read on one topic, it amazes even me as I write this.What's amazing is how much these teachings intersperse in what we read of hear in mainstream media. In works of the likes of Oprah Winfrey, John Lennon, Dan Brown, J.K.Rowling, Ayn Rand and too many more. Din't really know I could read so much on a segment of Non-fiction that isn't even a story. A study. Learning in this 'field' truly interests, intrigues and grips me. Life comes a full circle (at age 24) when I'm consumed in this pursuit. 

As I imbibe it all in my way of life and living, hope I contribute my bit to the spread and awareness of the same as I move along. That, and a world steeped in peace and prosperity, is a dream most cherished and nurtured. Amen!

My Idol: Ma'am Radha

Visited school today to get my marksheet photocopies attested. Part of MS formalities. Waiting outside the Headmistress' cabin, I suddenly noticed through the glass panes that she was busy meeting with some of her staff inside. Peering further I saw that the one speaking was my beloved teacher of Std.X, Mrs. Radha Balakrishnan!! The brightest and best teacher I've had yet!! I'd thought she'd already left school! Me being from the Class of 2003, most of my teachers had by now left school. I felt tremendous joy to see her there then! On the threshold of going to the next level of my education (a master's degree), what better blessing than to chance upon the one teacher who embodied the joy and enthusiasm of Science and Math, the spirit of education and the integrity of the Classroom?

Her energy during course delivery and her acute memory at remembering all our names - this for instant access to bombard us with rapid fire questions and keep us standing till we manage to answer atleast one right - was invigorating. She'd jumble names at times but no matter; the name she calls you with is yours till she wills so. We were at the edge of our seats throughout her lecture, alert and attentive, grasping every word, every formula she'd spell. She had her unique - and fast - way of drilling facts right into our very conscience! What was already a brilliant 12 years of schooling at my Alma Mater, was topped with Ma'am Radha being my class teacher in final year. After passing out of school, I had the good fortune of meeting her not more than 2-3 times.

Eight years later today, waiting outside that cabin, I was joyfully rehearsing a quick intro of myself- for she might've surely forgotten me by now? Bidding the Headmistress adieu cheerfully, she turned to exit the cabin. And seeing me, stopped right at the exit with joyous shock and exclaimed,

"Sameeha!!!!"

I was visually taken aback on hearing that and gasped back, "You remember my name!!"

"Sameeha Jahangir!!!!!" she piped still.

It was like being called out to receive an award! That was all I could take in marvelling at her super crisp memory and love. There was no depth left for the respect and gratitude I felt for her. She quickly caught up and had herself updated on my adventures post school. My plan of MS in Aerospace Engg delighted her endless! "NASA! There's NASA there! You must get in! The best place to be!!"  Saying this she turned to her newer fellow teacher and beamed,

"Brilliant student of my class. She."

Award delivered. With profuse wishes and blessings, she anointed me to face my future with determined pursuit.

There are many reasons to why I am who I am, and why I'm going where I'm going, but success I find, only in and due to, the ideals of idols like my beloved school teacher, Ma'am Radha.

Love is..when not

She has the most wonderful man in her life,
yet she doesn't.
She is the luckiest woman in the world,
still she's not:

"How do I erase love,
when there can't be hate?
How do I replace space,
where the memory remains?

How do I be your friend,
when I love you more?
How do I feel no more,
when I've felt so deep?

How do I laugh out loud,
when I weep inside?
How do I cry out loud,
when your shoulder's gone?

How do I let you go,
when I'm bound so fast?
How do I hold you nigh,
when you cast a void?

When do the tears run dry,
for the one I cry?
When do I weep no more,
for the days go by?

How do I let this go,
when it's already gone?
How do I swallow and smile,
when its real no more?

There is one true love,
the one that's always mine.
But friends we will be,
so love can always shine, so it can always shine.."

And so the love remains,
a ceaseless flow.
Love it is..always, when not.