The Social Week!

What a week! Socializing galore! From outings with individual friends to social gathering with people from 7-8 countries, to send-offs, to treats and more partying, it's been one heady end-of-semester celebration! (And more to come! And my semester is technically not even done yet, haha!) The most number of people I've met within a week and the most fun I've had in a long time. Always great to be with friends!

Some bond over drinks, some over movies, some over games, some over philosophy, some over bitching (:P), there are so many facets to just how much you can connect with someone. It's amazing how so many of these outings weren't even planned; single pings, sudden whims, and off we went! Impromptu fun at its best! Some of them were times when I just woke up with nothing much to do (yeah that seems to be happening a lot lately, ignorance about work I say, bah it's summer!) or was down for seemingly no reason, and bam! Someone would call and drag me out.

I write this post just to say thanks to all the wonderful people I spent the past week with. It's truly a blessing to have so many friends and folk that care, when you're so far away from home. And some moving onto face greater adventures, I wish them the best! Thank you for being a part of my life, your presence makes it colorful. Cheers!

A year hath passed

Blogosphere! Thee must've missed me! (I really need to stop having these opening statements so often in my blog) It has been a year! As with every other post of mine, this one too comes at a time when I really have no time to blog. But since we (you, reader, and me) belong to the stop and stare with time to spare, I shalt go ahead and pour some nonetheless. (..And it just struck me that this is my first post from my MacBook Air! Thank you powers that be! :P)

The United States of America! Oh how do I even begin detailing the roller coaster ride this has been! (Yeah so I'm not going to :P) Not much difference to me from being home, except that Cincinnati is much sleepier and spacious than my Mumbai. I had no jet lag coming in changing 3 planes, I don't miss Indian food; family and friends back home are always in my heart and I still feel one with them. Being back to school after so many years was one change. Hopping from Production Engineering to Aerospace Engineering, a change of a lifetime. The classroom felt the same with aero having a huge batch size here. Clubs the same. People the same. A little ignorance here and an exchange of thought there, but pretty much all the same. There were DC, NYC and Texas trips in between. Ashamed to say I've seen more of USA than India. (*bucket list reformation*)

But in between all this, what I always still fall flat into the trap for are the people, always the people. Being a social junkie that I am, peeling myself off my friends and acquaintances is something I've never learnt to do. Same old overdos, same old expectation, and same old hurt. Being an active part of two big student groups here gets me to connect with more. A huge list of ego trainers I say. I guess you never stop learning there. Never stop believing, running the muck, getting hurt, falling down, and reinventing the cycle of getting back up. Past experiences only help so much as to show you how fucked up you've always been, not in showing you how you got back up the last time, no. Murphy shrouds that wisdom. "You're busy in your life presently of course, you don't have the time for people skills when you're after a different science degree, of course, I hear you, still, go spend time gathering yourself back up. Muhaha!"

And so it is. You give up. Throw up. Scream. Wait for an epiphany to hit you perhaps. Some angels come along, some leave, some stay back for you. A potpourri of advice, a hug, a shoulder squeeze. Again the people that bring you back up. You're never alone; somehow are never allowed to. Not when you're a dynamically invasive personality like myself, I guess. Work and business have somehow not worked for me in being distractions. They'd keep happening, but I really am two people in one when such 'crises' occur. One for work, one for them inundated emotions. One doesn't help with the other.

So my 'stitches' start where the threads went bare. Not with patches of cover up. And the needle work goes on, the fabric expands, reinforced here and there with the holy (my fancy new term for 'shitty') experiences of life. Blind unwavering unapologetic faith in myself. That is what I adorn. Peace.

I Am Me. And that's OK

(Beware: Ooh so personal rambling follows)

Inspite of being the class topper and the friendly-and-smart-one through school and beyond, I've always felt a lack. A mental image of myself on the lines of peer pressure (yeah, weird to be using that term at 24 when it's more associated with teens :P). A weird sense of self and 'others'. My ego always has had a high head but internally, I am shy. Externally, I'm conditonally (situation and people) an extrovert or an introvert.

In simpler terms: I've always longed for Acceptance. External Validation.

Amongst a group of strangers thrown in together (like my corporate training sessions), I'm the charm of the group. Heck, who knows me here? Easy to be the best! But with people I've known a while and those who've known (and judged) me a while, I'm wary. I'd either do anything they like doing too or try to force them into doing things my way. I can only be faintly stubborn and not authoritative, so I either mostly end up being submissive, or annoyed like a kid without choc. I'm mostly alone inside, however loud outside I may be. But for those that tread within closer borders, I'm the most clingy-cum-dictating soul ever!

Past specifics kept aside, and acknowledging all the spiritual learning and likewise I've been doing over the years, I'm finally at a point of: 'It's OK.' I have a bunch of awesome friends and I have a lotta fun too. And I needn't be anything like anybody else, I'm ME! I am "[a] Zombie.Dusky.Production Engineer.Metal Misc Head.Novel Silverfish.PC Junkie.TV Couchie." (Courtesy: Mon Twitter)

It's OK if I'm sitting home and not zeroing in on a job yet.
It's OK if I still haven't finished my US application for Masters.
It's OK if I din't celebrate the New Year partying in Goa.
It's OK if I missed Maiden and Opeth.
It's OK if I haven't been on any major trek yet.
It's OK at every thing I haven't done yet or won't likely be doing anytime soon.

Life's still exciting and I have so much more still to do!! So flushing all self doubt - something only close ones knew I had so I don't know why I'm quite announcing it out loud anyway but whatever (It's OK!:P) -  down the drain,  here' embracing the New Year 2012 with full vigour and joy! It's gonna be an awesome year ahead!! XOXO

My Idol: Ma'am Radha

Visited school today to get my marksheet photocopies attested. Part of MS formalities. Waiting outside the Headmistress' cabin, I suddenly noticed through the glass panes that she was busy meeting with some of her staff inside. Peering further I saw that the one speaking was my beloved teacher of Std.X, Mrs. Radha Balakrishnan!! The brightest and best teacher I've had yet!! I'd thought she'd already left school! Me being from the Class of 2003, most of my teachers had by now left school. I felt tremendous joy to see her there then! On the threshold of going to the next level of my education (a master's degree), what better blessing than to chance upon the one teacher who embodied the joy and enthusiasm of Science and Math, the spirit of education and the integrity of the Classroom?

Her energy during course delivery and her acute memory at remembering all our names - this for instant access to bombard us with rapid fire questions and keep us standing till we manage to answer atleast one right - was invigorating. She'd jumble names at times but no matter; the name she calls you with is yours till she wills so. We were at the edge of our seats throughout her lecture, alert and attentive, grasping every word, every formula she'd spell. She had her unique - and fast - way of drilling facts right into our very conscience! What was already a brilliant 12 years of schooling at my Alma Mater, was topped with Ma'am Radha being my class teacher in final year. After passing out of school, I had the good fortune of meeting her not more than 2-3 times.

Eight years later today, waiting outside that cabin, I was joyfully rehearsing a quick intro of myself- for she might've surely forgotten me by now? Bidding the Headmistress adieu cheerfully, she turned to exit the cabin. And seeing me, stopped right at the exit with joyous shock and exclaimed,

"Sameeha!!!!"

I was visually taken aback on hearing that and gasped back, "You remember my name!!"

"Sameeha Jahangir!!!!!" she piped still.

It was like being called out to receive an award! That was all I could take in marvelling at her super crisp memory and love. There was no depth left for the respect and gratitude I felt for her. She quickly caught up and had herself updated on my adventures post school. My plan of MS in Aerospace Engg delighted her endless! "NASA! There's NASA there! You must get in! The best place to be!!"  Saying this she turned to her newer fellow teacher and beamed,

"Brilliant student of my class. She."

Award delivered. With profuse wishes and blessings, she anointed me to face my future with determined pursuit.

There are many reasons to why I am who I am, and why I'm going where I'm going, but success I find, only in and due to, the ideals of idols like my beloved school teacher, Ma'am Radha.